I almost feel like this blog needs to be written, just out of the sheer ridiculous amount of time that has passed since my last post. I have this weird thing about blogs... I feel like I have to be inspired to write one and even though life has been pretty good lately, I have been a bit silent. I cannot sleep tonight, so this blog is brought to you by all the Zzzz's that I am currently not enjoying.
Have you ever noticed that even when there are a million things going great in life, if there is one key thing missing that you truly desire, then it is what all your brain cells and feelings focus on? I can't be the only one who can check off her good list and that onehuge little thing that is lacking, is flashing in bright lights and impossible to ignore. Well, that is me and I almost feel guilty in admitting that there is something that I long for that much, that just isn't happening for me. It makes me feel that it is probably all my fault.Here is a list (surprise!) of things that are awesome right now:
1.I'm doing well in school. Despite the couple of major setbacks in the past(including a change in majors and some financial aid chaos), I am truly full steam ahead on getting my dual degree in Early elementary and Special education and getting good grades, yay!
2.My family is healthy and happy
3.The Lord blesses me everyday in so many ways, big and small.
4. My friends and family are awesome and very good to me.
5.My job is actually something I enjoy and is going well.
6. I can pay my bills and take care of myself
7. I am starting weight watchers this week! I have lost about 10 pounds in 3 weeks, but I'm going to get official on this weight loss and do it the right way! ( I know this seems to be a reoccurring theme, but I have never tried this route, so fingers crossed :)
So what is it that is leaving a bit unfulfilled, you ask? Well, the pathetic and yet most honest answer is that I'm lonely. I haven't felt this in awhile. Whether I'm dating or in a relationship, or even flying completely solo, I have never felt the desire to be desired as much as I have lately. I know I have to wait. I know that good things come with this waiting, but I am currently lacking in the patience department.
I am such a nurturer. I want to take of everyone! I like to make people happy, comfortable, laugh, and act silly. The essence of who I am is very motherly and I think that it projects in all the relationships that I have in my life. I like to be the friend that helps out when he or she is need, I like to help others at work, even total strangers who seem to be struggling, I just want to help. Kids really pull on my heartstrings. There is not a child in this world ( at least from any that I have met) that I would turn away, if they needed me.
I know that if I was in a romantic relationship, I would be no different, it's how I've been in all the serious ones. I want to be the one that cooks him a meal, even if I pretty much hate the skillet otherwise. I want to hear about his day and offer advice if something not so great happens. I want to match up and fold his socks, and don't get me started on how I loathe folding clothes! I want to hug him, when he needs reassurance in this sometimes cold and bitter world. I wanna pick up his medication at the pharmacy and make him chicken noodle soup when he is sick. You get the gist. I wanna be there...Heart, mind and body.
Don't get me wrong, I like to be recognized and taken care of too. I love the little things that make my heart skip a beat. Surprise text messages just to check in, remembering details about things I like and then referencing them in casual conversation (that's the best!) just thinking of me, even when I'm not there. That keeps me smiling, it makes music sound better, it makes the day seem brighter and all the other corny but true, lovey cliche's out there.
Let's get down to the dirty here, kiddies...I'm 30 years old and my mommy sense is tingling with fervor. I want to get the whole dating thing out of the way, get married and have me some babies...lol I hate dating. It is so ridiculous the little charades people play to try and present their best selves. I just want people to be who they are, so i don't have to be disappointed later. I understand that dating doesn't have to be all bad, but I see it as the necessary evil to the true goal of being in the comfy stage of adoring each other for who they really are. Just sign me up for that, k?
So anyways, I'll find the guy who can find most of my idiosyncrasies to be quite endearing, but until then I will mentally try to block out the reality of singleville and keep myself happy with all the good things in life!
Thanks for reading and feel free to comment :)
Tiffany
Have you ever noticed that even when there are a million things going great in life, if there is one key thing missing that you truly desire, then it is what all your brain cells and feelings focus on? I can't be the only one who can check off her good list and that one
1.I'm doing well in school. Despite the couple of major setbacks in the past(including a change in majors and some financial aid chaos), I am truly full steam ahead on getting my dual degree in Early elementary and Special education and getting good grades, yay!
2.My family is healthy and happy
3.The Lord blesses me everyday in so many ways, big and small.
4. My friends and family are awesome and very good to me.
5.My job is actually something I enjoy and is going well.
6. I can pay my bills and take care of myself
7. I am starting weight watchers this week! I have lost about 10 pounds in 3 weeks, but I'm going to get official on this weight loss and do it the right way! ( I know this seems to be a reoccurring theme, but I have never tried this route, so fingers crossed :)
So what is it that is leaving a bit unfulfilled, you ask? Well, the pathetic and yet most honest answer is that I'm lonely. I haven't felt this in awhile. Whether I'm dating or in a relationship, or even flying completely solo, I have never felt the desire to be desired as much as I have lately. I know I have to wait. I know that good things come with this waiting, but I am currently lacking in the patience department.
I am such a nurturer. I want to take of everyone! I like to make people happy, comfortable, laugh, and act silly. The essence of who I am is very motherly and I think that it projects in all the relationships that I have in my life. I like to be the friend that helps out when he or she is need, I like to help others at work, even total strangers who seem to be struggling, I just want to help. Kids really pull on my heartstrings. There is not a child in this world ( at least from any that I have met) that I would turn away, if they needed me.
I know that if I was in a romantic relationship, I would be no different, it's how I've been in all the serious ones. I want to be the one that cooks him a meal, even if I pretty much hate the skillet otherwise. I want to hear about his day and offer advice if something not so great happens. I want to match up and fold his socks, and don't get me started on how I loathe folding clothes! I want to hug him, when he needs reassurance in this sometimes cold and bitter world. I wanna pick up his medication at the pharmacy and make him chicken noodle soup when he is sick. You get the gist. I wanna be there...Heart, mind and body.
Don't get me wrong, I like to be recognized and taken care of too. I love the little things that make my heart skip a beat. Surprise text messages just to check in, remembering details about things I like and then referencing them in casual conversation (that's the best!) just thinking of me, even when I'm not there. That keeps me smiling, it makes music sound better, it makes the day seem brighter and all the other corny but true, lovey cliche's out there.
Let's get down to the dirty here, kiddies...I'm 30 years old and my mommy sense is tingling with fervor. I want to get the whole dating thing out of the way, get married and have me some babies...lol I hate dating. It is so ridiculous the little charades people play to try and present their best selves. I just want people to be who they are, so i don't have to be disappointed later. I understand that dating doesn't have to be all bad, but I see it as the necessary evil to the true goal of being in the comfy stage of adoring each other for who they really are. Just sign me up for that, k?
So anyways, I'll find the guy who can find most of my idiosyncrasies to be quite endearing, but until then I will mentally try to block out the reality of singleville and keep myself happy with all the good things in life!
Thanks for reading and feel free to comment :)
Tiffany
now you need to post a blog about the boyfriend! Funny how much can change in a month, eh? :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I wrote this, Michael and I were in limbo...we had been talking for quite awhile, but we needed a push in the right direction. Fear and other silly obstacles were standing in our way because we knew what we were feeling was something very real. I will definitely take the time to elaborate on how wonderfully blessed I am to have such a great man in my life!
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