Tuesday, October 1, 2013

The Story of Us.

 I remember not so long ago, the girl who wrote quite frequently on her chronic singledom. She was happy with the life she lived, but something certainly seemed to be missing. She knew out there somewhere there just had to be someone who could love her, even when life told her there wasn't anyone right at that moment. She was quite particular about the potential contenders for her heart and many times she would find a way out before anyone could steal what once had been very broken. It took some time but this girl, who seemed to somehow grow into a woman overnight, started to get a bit braver each day. She had some work to do on herself and some kinks to iron out, but she was seeking out the real deal this time and knew that when she met him, it wouldn't take long for her to know that he was who she was looking for. 
  That same girl remembered a guy who was a bit shy, really smart and seemed to be a genuinely sweet person. She had seen him many times in the same circles that she had frequented, but never got to know who he really was. He had accomplished a lot of impressive goals and came from a very nice upbringing. She respected him, but it wasn't meant for her to know him yet.

I remember a time, a distance, where these two led separate lives. She tried love, lost it and remained a bit stagnant in life for awhile. He tried love, lost it, and  tried to find a comfort in the chaos. There were nights with many tears and tragedies for both of them. Each one trying to cope with life on their own. They didn't know that someday, they would find the love and comfort they were looking for  in each other and that one day he would reach out to her again. She was a bit hesitant at first because the last thing she ever wanted to completely turn over, was that vulnerable part of herself that she kept hidden from most. But she remembered that when it was the right time, she would be able to give it freely to the one who took the chance to reach out to her. On a random March night, not many months ago, he made that initial contact. They talked for hours and hours about everything and anything that was going on in their lives. It seemed almost impossible for two people to click so easily and so quickly. 

I remember the night he came over to my house. Carrying a pineapple, instead of flowers and a big smile on his face. I will always remember that smile. I will remember that smile when this Saturday I take his name. I will look for that smile in our children if we are blessed to have them in our future.  I will remember that smile when someday I close my eyes for the last time and drift off into eternity. 

I will always remember how we got here. The long and bumpy road it took to find each other again and the relief I feel to know that those darker days are over now.  I will remember the butterflies, the tears and the first time he took my hand in his. I will always, always remember us. 

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Don't forget to be happy.

    I almost feel like this blog needs to be written, just out of the sheer ridiculous amount of time that has passed since my last post. I have this weird thing about blogs... I feel like I have to be inspired to write one and even though life has been pretty good lately, I have been a bit silent. I cannot sleep tonight, so this blog is brought to you by all the Zzzz's that I am currently not enjoying. 
   Have you ever noticed that even when there are a million things going great in life, if there is one key thing missing that you truly desire, then it is what all your brain cells and feelings focus on? I can't be the only one who can check off her good list and that one huge little thing that is lacking, is flashing in bright lights and impossible to ignore. Well, that is me and I almost feel guilty in admitting that there is something that I long for that much, that just isn't happening for me. It makes me feel that it is probably all my fault.Here is a list (surprise!) of things that are awesome right now:

1.I'm doing well in school. Despite the couple of major setbacks in the past(including a change in majors and some financial aid chaos), I am truly full steam ahead on getting my dual degree in Early elementary and Special education and getting good grades, yay!
2.My family is healthy and happy
3.The Lord blesses me everyday in so many ways, big and small.
4. My friends and family are awesome and very good to me.
5.My job is actually something I enjoy and is going well.
6. I can pay my bills and take care of myself
7. I am starting weight watchers this week! I have lost about 10 pounds in 3 weeks, but I'm going to get official on this weight loss and do it the right way! ( I know this seems to be a reoccurring theme, but I have never tried this route, so fingers crossed :) 

   So what is it that is leaving a bit unfulfilled, you ask? Well, the pathetic and yet most honest answer is that I'm lonely. I haven't felt this in awhile. Whether I'm dating or in a relationship, or even flying completely solo, I have never felt the desire to be desired as much as I have lately. I know I have to wait. I know that good things come with this waiting, but I am currently lacking in the patience department. 
   I am such a nurturer. I want to take of everyone! I like to make people happy, comfortable, laugh, and act silly. The essence of who I am is very motherly and I think that it projects in all the relationships that I have in my life. I like to be the friend that helps out when he or she is need, I like to help others at work, even total strangers who seem to be struggling, I just want to help. Kids really pull on my heartstrings. There is not a child in this world ( at least from any that I have met) that I would turn away, if they needed me. 
   I know that if I was in a romantic relationship, I would be no different, it's how I've been in all the serious ones. I want to be the one that cooks him a meal, even if I pretty much hate the skillet otherwise. I want to hear about his day and offer advice if something not so great happens. I want to match up and fold his socks, and don't get me started on how I loathe folding clothes! I want to hug him, when he needs reassurance in this sometimes cold and bitter world. I wanna pick up his medication at the pharmacy and make him chicken noodle soup when he is sick. You get the gist. I wanna be there...Heart, mind and body.
   Don't get me wrong, I like to be recognized and taken care of too. I love the little things that make my heart skip a beat. Surprise text messages just to check in, remembering details about things I like and then referencing them in casual conversation (that's the best!) just thinking of me, even when I'm not there. That keeps me smiling, it makes music sound better, it makes the day seem brighter and all the other corny but true, lovey cliche's out there.
   Let's get down to the dirty here, kiddies...I'm 30 years old and my mommy sense is tingling with fervor. I want to get the whole dating thing out of the way, get married and have me some babies...lol  I hate dating. It is so ridiculous the little charades people play to try and present their best selves. I just want people to be who they are, so i don't have to be disappointed later. I understand that dating doesn't have to be all bad, but I see it as the necessary evil to the true goal of being in the comfy stage of adoring each other for who they really are. Just sign me up for that, k?
    So anyways, I'll find the guy who can find most of my idiosyncrasies to be quite endearing, but until then I will mentally try to block out the reality of singleville and keep myself happy with all the good things in life!
Thanks for reading and feel free to comment :)
Tiffany