The Story of Us.

 I remember not so long ago, the girl who wrote quite frequently on her chronic singledom. She was happy with the life she lived, but something certainly seemed to be missing. She knew out there somewhere there just had to be someone who could love her, even when life told her there wasn't anyone right at that moment. She was quite particular about the potential contenders for her heart and many times she would find a way out before anyone could steal what once had been very broken. It took some time but this girl, who seemed to somehow grow into a woman overnight, started to get a bit braver each day. She had some work to do on herself and some kinks to iron out, but she was seeking out the real deal this time and knew that when she met him, it wouldn't take long for her to know that he was who she was looking for. 
  That same girl remembered a guy who was a bit shy, really smart and seemed to be a genuinely sweet person. She had seen him many times in the same circles that she had frequented, but never got to know who he really was. He had accomplished a lot of impressive goals and came from a very nice upbringing. She respected him, but it wasn't meant for her to know him yet.

I remember a time, a distance, where these two led separate lives. She tried love, lost it and remained a bit stagnant in life for awhile. He tried love, lost it, and  tried to find a comfort in the chaos. There were nights with many tears and tragedies for both of them. Each one trying to cope with life on their own. They didn't know that someday, they would find the love and comfort they were looking for  in each other and that one day he would reach out to her again. She was a bit hesitant at first because the last thing she ever wanted to completely turn over, was that vulnerable part of herself that she kept hidden from most. But she remembered that when it was the right time, she would be able to give it freely to the one who took the chance to reach out to her. On a random March night, not many months ago, he made that initial contact. They talked for hours and hours about everything and anything that was going on in their lives. It seemed almost impossible for two people to click so easily and so quickly. 

I remember the night he came over to my house. Carrying a pineapple, instead of flowers and a big smile on his face. I will always remember that smile. I will remember that smile when this Saturday I take his name. I will look for that smile in our children if we are blessed to have them in our future.  I will remember that smile when someday I close my eyes for the last time and drift off into eternity. 

I will always remember how we got here. The long and bumpy road it took to find each other again and the relief I feel to know that those darker days are over now.  I will remember the butterflies, the tears and the first time he took my hand in his. I will always, always remember us. 

Don't forget to be happy.

    I almost feel like this blog needs to be written, just out of the sheer ridiculous amount of time that has passed since my last post. I have this weird thing about blogs... I feel like I have to be inspired to write one and even though life has been pretty good lately, I have been a bit silent. I cannot sleep tonight, so this blog is brought to you by all the Zzzz's that I am currently not enjoying. 
   Have you ever noticed that even when there are a million things going great in life, if there is one key thing missing that you truly desire, then it is what all your brain cells and feelings focus on? I can't be the only one who can check off her good list and that one huge little thing that is lacking, is flashing in bright lights and impossible to ignore. Well, that is me and I almost feel guilty in admitting that there is something that I long for that much, that just isn't happening for me. It makes me feel that it is probably all my fault.Here is a list (surprise!) of things that are awesome right now:

1.I'm doing well in school. Despite the couple of major setbacks in the past(including a change in majors and some financial aid chaos), I am truly full steam ahead on getting my dual degree in Early elementary and Special education and getting good grades, yay!
2.My family is healthy and happy
3.The Lord blesses me everyday in so many ways, big and small.
4. My friends and family are awesome and very good to me.
5.My job is actually something I enjoy and is going well.
6. I can pay my bills and take care of myself
7. I am starting weight watchers this week! I have lost about 10 pounds in 3 weeks, but I'm going to get official on this weight loss and do it the right way! ( I know this seems to be a reoccurring theme, but I have never tried this route, so fingers crossed :) 

   So what is it that is leaving a bit unfulfilled, you ask? Well, the pathetic and yet most honest answer is that I'm lonely. I haven't felt this in awhile. Whether I'm dating or in a relationship, or even flying completely solo, I have never felt the desire to be desired as much as I have lately. I know I have to wait. I know that good things come with this waiting, but I am currently lacking in the patience department. 
   I am such a nurturer. I want to take of everyone! I like to make people happy, comfortable, laugh, and act silly. The essence of who I am is very motherly and I think that it projects in all the relationships that I have in my life. I like to be the friend that helps out when he or she is need, I like to help others at work, even total strangers who seem to be struggling, I just want to help. Kids really pull on my heartstrings. There is not a child in this world ( at least from any that I have met) that I would turn away, if they needed me. 
   I know that if I was in a romantic relationship, I would be no different, it's how I've been in all the serious ones. I want to be the one that cooks him a meal, even if I pretty much hate the skillet otherwise. I want to hear about his day and offer advice if something not so great happens. I want to match up and fold his socks, and don't get me started on how I loathe folding clothes! I want to hug him, when he needs reassurance in this sometimes cold and bitter world. I wanna pick up his medication at the pharmacy and make him chicken noodle soup when he is sick. You get the gist. I wanna be there...Heart, mind and body.
   Don't get me wrong, I like to be recognized and taken care of too. I love the little things that make my heart skip a beat. Surprise text messages just to check in, remembering details about things I like and then referencing them in casual conversation (that's the best!) just thinking of me, even when I'm not there. That keeps me smiling, it makes music sound better, it makes the day seem brighter and all the other corny but true, lovey cliche's out there.
   Let's get down to the dirty here, kiddies...I'm 30 years old and my mommy sense is tingling with fervor. I want to get the whole dating thing out of the way, get married and have me some babies...lol  I hate dating. It is so ridiculous the little charades people play to try and present their best selves. I just want people to be who they are, so i don't have to be disappointed later. I understand that dating doesn't have to be all bad, but I see it as the necessary evil to the true goal of being in the comfy stage of adoring each other for who they really are. Just sign me up for that, k?
    So anyways, I'll find the guy who can find most of my idiosyncrasies to be quite endearing, but until then I will mentally try to block out the reality of singleville and keep myself happy with all the good things in life!
Thanks for reading and feel free to comment :)
Tiffany

What really stirs my liver

   First of all, I want to say that it has been a bajillion days (minus a few jillion) since I have posted on my poor blog. I am sure all 3 of you out there have been waiting on baited breath for my next brain spill, so here it is!!!

So judging by my blog title, you may be asking yourselves, "Stirs my liver" what is she blabbing about now?
Well there is (and always is) a story behind that little saying.
   It was invented by a friend of mine in high school. She was gorgeous and fit and toned as a brick. However, while being incredibly smart in school, she would say some things that got me scratching my head a few times...she would mix up her thoughts and funny stuff was constantly coming out of her mouth, but not on purpose...lol  One day she seemed very agitated about something I have now long forgotten and she ended her vent with, "Man that really stirs my liver" Being the concerned and thoughtful friend I was (lol) I held back my giggles and kept the concern face on until enough time had passed when I could tell her it was funny without making her feel bad. So...this blog is dedicated to my friend, who despite all the wonderful blessings we have in life, there will still be those little things that "Stirs our liver" and here are some of mine. In list form, of course!

1. "Yeah buddy". I hate this phrase...but what I hate even more,  is when people say it in that annoying voice that EVERYone says it. (You know you just said it like that in your head right now LOL)

2. When someone tells you that they are sooooooooo x10000000000 excited/bummed about something and then proceed with, but I can't tell you about it...Sad face. Well then don't tell me to begin with!

3. When I have a dream (and the dream could be about any random thing) with someone who is merely an aquaintance of mine. It weirds me out about anytime I have another real life interaction with them, and they can't help it because it was just their dream form that I had coffee with or got into argument over something.

4. Yogurt lids. Can you ever really peel them off without getting gooey Chobani all over your fingers? Oh, you can? well, not this girl with fleshy hot dog fingers.

5. "Jesus is my boyfriend" Christian songs. You know the ones...They are love songs, but could easliy be played on any hit radio station, just by replacing "Jesus" with the name of your latest flame. No, those lyrics do not really speak to me in a Christian sense and if you want to be famous for your musical gift, please choose a genre that works for you. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I think some people use the Christian music genre to get their song out. I could be wrong, but it just seems too watered down for me.

6. Since I am on the subject of Christianity...I really don't like it when people think that Christians have to be "Perfect" Like we have to walk around all the time with big smiles on our faces and never mess up. I know that Christians are to live their lives as an example and to shine a bright light, but I will NEVER on this earth be even close to perfect, ever. I feel like I fail a lot more than I can publicy admit, and thankfully God still loves me! I feel every emotion that everyone else feels...including anger, sadness, fear, frustration (obviously) and many other unpretty feelings. The difference is though, that I don't have to face all of those things alone and if I'm smart I will rely on God to help me through those ugly moments. That being said, if I do mess up big enough, God will let me know! And you know what? I'm a much better person for it.

7. When it is -64 degrees out and you go to open your car handle on the door and it breaks OFF because of the artic temperatures...and then you don't save your money wisely and you keep forgetting that your car door handle is broken until you have your hands full of stuff and try to open it with your pinky.

8. Oh yeah #8 is going to be dedicated to any kind of car problems, accidents, or stupid car inconveniences in general....lol The only thing I really care about where a car is concerned, is that it isn't falling apart, looks decent and that it gets me comfortably from A to B.

9. Ending a list on an odd number. But hey, it's getting late and I gotta get up early, so I will have to deal with a little of my own liver stirring tonight!

Thanks for reading :) Life is really a wonderful thing most days, but we will never be free of the little inconveniences that pop up now and then...but if we didn't have them, what on earth would I be able to blog about on a late Sunday evening?! I'd say we have found that silver lining, don't ya think? ;)

Tiffany

The Good, the Bad, and the Portly.

   On my facebook page, I asked if my friends could come up with some good blog prompts for me to rant about and one of them was about my weight loss journey and wanting an update. It has been a couple months since I declared bankruptcy on my fat and I thought I should let you know what's a shakin' lately(or not shaking as much anymore...lol)
  Well, there is good news and then there is great news. The great news is that I AM losing weight. The good news is that it's only been about 15 pounds so far. I dare not say that losing ANY amount of weight could ever be a bad thing for me, however, I am just gonna lukewarmly celebrate my little loss for now. Why? because I need to push myself a bit more. I am becoming more aware of my bad habits and that is a very valuable tool, because then I can make sure that I don't sabotage myself by repeating those same habits.
   Here's an example of one of my bad funks: During the day, I am the perfect example of what healthy eating and good choices are. I am super picky about what I eat and drink. I push the water, I eat the protein, I nosh on the veggies. I drink the tea. All. Day. Long. THEN-------> I come home. And as I am driving home, I pass all the tempting and yummy restaurants, bakeries, and stores. My eyes get big and little evil thoughts sneak their way into my good graces. "Oh, I could stop and get a cookie, I have been good all day! I deserve it." Says one of the munchie monsters. I don't always listen, but let's be honest here, sometimes I do. Then, I try to figure out what I can fix for one person that is a sensible and budgeted meal. So, that can also push me more towards the neon signs that lure me in with their convenient food. I tell myself that it's all good because even though there are horrible awful things on most of the menus, there are still some sensible fare to choose from as well. I love to bake, but I capital H-A-T-E to cook for only me. It's a waste, it's no fun, and I don't like it, so there. If I am able to block out the evil tempting thoughts for the evening, I am still in trouble when I go babysit at night. Sunday-Thursday night I am usually headed to babysit and these lovely people do not have weight problems, but there is temptation everywhere! Freshly baked cookies on the counter with their lingering delicious wafts of yumminess tickling my nose and making me salivate. I try to not notice, but how do you do that? That's like sending a junkie into a crackhouse with a wad of Benji's in his hand. Too flippin' difficult! -And that is just one instance of the kinda food they have there! I know what your thinking, "Poor little girl and her 1st world problems." But it IS a problem, and you can't quit food. We are programmed to respond to it when it smells/looks/tastes so good. I have hyper senses too, so that doesn't help either.
  I do want to end this on a good note, though. I have been enjoying exercise much more that I thought I ever would. Aquacize is a God send and I can't wait to get back into the water once I am not in so much pain from my pinched sciatic nerve issues. Now that I know what is causing the pain, I can start swimming again so that I can feel that hydro-massage of the water as I work up my heart rate and muscles in the pool. 
   Thanks for anyone who has been rooting for me as I make a healthy change in my life. Somewhat slowly, but surely I am shedding the LiBbies and before ya know it, I'll be struttin'. :)

                                                                         

Eeek...Kinda creepy, No? LOL

~Tiffany~

The Macaroni to my cheese.

 Hey there! Like the new digs? I am feeling pretty comfy here myself. I'm super elated that this renovation to my blog was not only pain free, but it was also easy! 
   Okay so here's the topic: It's the holiday that starts with the 22nd letter of the English alphabet, that time of year that most singles try to pretend that doesn't exist(and hide under a  rock for 24 hours) Here's another hint:

V_ L _ _ T _ N _ 'S    D _ Y! 

Need to buy a vowel?  Okay, enough with the puzzles Sajack, of course I am talking about valentine's day, But Vday and I aren't really on speaking terms this year, so it's probably best to leave it as the "Holiday who shall not be named." The only thing I am looking forward to on 2/14/12 is the release of a Jason Mraz single. Yes a CD single, and they do still exist. I like to see that my music is real (and ooooh shiny), and know that I can always pick it up and pop it into my CD player. I don't care if it is 1984 technology, it suits me. I do like Mp3 players for working out and such, but in my car I am still rockin' it retro.
  But back to Cupid day...I know that I have rambled on about my lack of a love life before. My Facebook page has started charging me rent for posting the words "Single" and "Lonely" too many times. The check's in the mail, Zuckerburg. 
   I am really feeling it this year, though. It's been so long since I have been in a real and functioning relationship, that I wonder if I even know how to do that anymore. Did I know what I was doing before? I mean if I did, I probably wouldn't be a 29 year old divorcee' who looks forward to coming home to her spoiled cat every night. I am trying to do the best with my life, but I have never been one to want to push myself on people. The last thing I want to do is come off desperate and needy.(It shows, right?) People have told me to get out there, try new things, go to church....I'm sorry but if I am going to church, there is only One on my mind, and He has already proven his unconditional love to me. That being said, I do want to be with a Christian man and someday raise a Christian family. I know that my best chances of  bumping into to someone like that would be at church or a church affiliated event.
   I have always daydreamed about meeting "The Guy" at a grocery store. Something simple, like we both reach for the same box of mac and cheese and then our fingers accidently touch. He smiles and I blush and then we start a conversation about how we both love the simple, yet yummy entree that is macaroni and cheese. We could live happily ever after just because of this blue-boxed wonder. I know this will probably NOT happen, because if it is crazy enough for it to be a production of my silly daydream, than it more than likely won't be suitable for real life...plus I am watching my carbs right now, so I doubt I will be venturing down the pasta aisle anytime soon.
   Patience has never really been one of my virtues, but c'mon fate, it's been like 6 years since I felt like I was in a mutually loving relationship! That is a loooong time for a hopeless romantic type like me. In fact, because of just how long it has been, I feel like I am losing a bit of that lovin' feeling towards love. I am kind of getting used to flying solo. I certainly do not feel like I did when I was drowning in sap and gushy love mush a few years back. I am either growing out of it a bit, or just growing up. Maybe both.
   I can't complain too much, because besides my dried out wasteland of a love life, I am teeming with blessings in many other areas of my life. Just this week, a friend who I grew up with in school, lost her battle to cancer Tuesday leaving behind a loving husband and two little ones at home. How so truly and deeply tragic. I'm sure the last thing on their minds is Feb.14th. If you have some time in your day, please say a little prayer for this family in Greenwich, I know the Man upstairs will know exactly where to direct it to.
   Well, that's it for this blog. Despite my bleak looking chances at the upcoming Hallmark holiday, I do wish you and yours a wonderful day filled with lots of X's and O's. Thanks for Reading!

Well, Hey there 2012! Let's be friends :)

Hello 2012,
You are going to be my year. You know why? Because I am holding myself accountable for what goes into my body, the amount of exercise it gets and the simple task of ensuring that I stay plenty hydrated. I have been horrible to this body. I have fed it garbage, filled my lungs with toxic clouds of chemicals, riddled myself with worry and anxiety, and have remained stagnant for too long. I didn't do all of this without the consequences of high blood pressure, fatigue, apnea, anxiety attacks and migraines. I am. done. 2012, you are bringing my 30th birthday in August, and I cannot think of a better way to celebrate, than to feel healthier! I am not dreaming of 6 pack abs or buns of steel. I want a heart that pumps healthy amounts of nutrient rich blood to my organs. I want to get up out of bed without my brain feeling like slush. I want to walk around with my head held high and not out of breath. I want what my body deserves, the way God intended for it to function. I know this isn't easy and that last week of 2011 in preparation of this change, took some getting use to. It is very possible and it is a change to last through 2013 and beyond. 
  Now it has been about 2 years since I have kicked the awful habit that is smoking about half a pack per day. That wasn't easy. That was possible, and so is this! Quitting smoking was just one step closer to the new, healthier me. Cold turkey was not easy. In fact, my body felt a bit "shocked" by the absence of those cancerous and addictive additives that make one want to light up on the daily. If I can do that, shaking hands and all, then I can take the responsibility of feeling better very soon! I am late, but I am ready. I love to swim and can't wait to hit up the YMCA again for an hour each day. I may look like a round, butterball turkey in a tight fitting whalesuit, but I don't care! Watch me as I melt off these pounds by working against the resistance of the water! All of that pudge just creates more resistance to battle off the pounds. I have seen what a pound of fat looks like on the outside of the body and it is absolutely barf inducing. Ugh, get off of my stomach, arms, thighs and face! A person was not designed to have multiple chins! God did not create fat facial features on the 7th day! He rested, and that is because He was proud of His hard work. A work that I have taken and stretched beyond the means of what He created. 
   Now, I know that I said that I am not really looking to have washboard abs. This is still true. Right now I have my sights set on feeling human again, not Jabba the Hutt-esque. However if that happens down the road, I suppose I won't mind, although I've never really thought of abs on a woman as very feminine. I just want to be without rolls. I want a flat, sexy middle. I haven't had that since I was a teeny tiny kid! I don't even remember what it feels like, so this will be all new to me.
   I have lost weight before. In fact, after my divorce, I lost upwards of 50 pounds. I grieved it all off though, and just did not want to eat. This was NOT the healthy way of doing things, because in 4 years I have gained every pound back. That will be the last time I mention or try to think about that. It is behind me, gone. 
  Speaking of divorce, ever since mine, all I have done basically is serial dating. There really have not been many relationships that have culminated from 2007 and beyond. I know a lot of it has to do with how I take care of my health/body. An outfit is only so cute on a body that is shaped like an engorged apple. Any make up technique or hairstyle can be only as cute as the face it sets on. I am sorry if I may tick some people off, but it is true. Adding fat to your body, does not make it pretty! It makes it unhealthy and bloated and look uncomfortable. Have I seen big girls who are pretty and confident? well, kinda. Pretty? yes. However, that "confidence" always seems to be loud and obnoxious. She seems to "demand" people to look at her with acceptance.  I prefer a confidence that doesn't need to be said. I want a confidence in being able to walk into a room and not have to say a thing. I want to know that how I look is just the display of what is really inside of me. Let me tell you, what is inside of me, is being poorly represented by my outside. The Lord blessed me with a big heart, a pretty sharp mind, and knack for creativity. Even as a big girl, I still have those traits, but so many times I have hidden them because I want to hide myself. I know that I do not find that attractive, so why would any guy? Not anymore, 2012! You are the start of so many wonderful things that will just be the result of feeling better! 
   I am thinking about starting a weekly vlog (video blog) about my adventure. I think I am going to wear the same shirt(washed in between of course...lol) and show a time lapse, if you will, of how I am getting healthier. I also want to throw in some tips and tricks of what is working for me. Does this sound like something people may respond to? If you think so, leave me a comment. Vlog or no vlog, I will be getting healthier in 2012, just you wait! Thanks for reading!


                                                                   ~Tiffany~
                                                                    (Oh and Bailey, too!)

It's the Most Craziest Time of the Year!

 Sooooo.... I have been a resident of Slackerville, USA as of late in regards to my blog and before I realized it, November literally came and went. My new blogbaby went naked for Novembre and now I am faced with coming up with some of December's rantin' and ravin'.
  I know that I promised pics and a recap on my mom's 50th birthday bash, but we have had some upload issues from the picture CD and the photog just mailed us the new one, so since I have been uber busy lately, I haven't had time to do anything like that. Maybe someday I will post about my mom's party, but not today. Plus it's my blog, my rules...right??? Sure.


   Anyways, enough of the mindless rambling and on to the intentional rambling...I have got to say that I am excited for Christmas! At work we have a big Christmas tree that has paper candy canes with all of the resident's names on them. The staff is invited to take one and make Christmas special for that resident. It may have been the Constant streaming of Holiday Muzak that had been ringing in my office all day that made me go a bit cray cray, but I took 3 paper canes and now I have to come up with 3 different ideas/gifts to brighten these residents up for this special time of year. I have "Sucker" written and flashing in Christmas lights on my forehead, but I don't care. These residents are like family to me and I am getting excited about coming up with some ideas to make them smile. Two out of the three that I have chosen do not have actively involved family members to celebrate with them, so I wanted to make sure that they feel like a part of mine. I get warm and fuzzies just thinking about it.
   Oh speaking of work, I had a very embarassing MORTIFYING episode there on Wednesday morning. I headed into the office and sat down when my boss came in with a little baggy and placed it on my desk. He asked if I would make a run to the hospital and drop it off. "Sure boss, I will get right to that!" (Okay maybe I didn't exactly sound THAT cheerful, it was 8am mind you) The baggy was facing upwards  where you couldn't see the contents inside. Eventually, I picked it up and turned it over and saw a glimpse of what was really in the bag. It. Was....A VIAL OF BLOOD!!!! *Cue the super dramatic music!* Okay, I know what you are thinking. DRAMS QUEEN and yes I can say that I am guilty of earning that title more times than not. BUT--I was tired from lack of sleep, a bit queasy from no breakfast and was caught off guard by seeing a foamy, vial of dark red blood. I hate needles, I hate blood, but I don't usually get lightheaded at the sight of them. I just loathe their existence. I immediately put the bag down, shut my eyes and tried to think happy thoughts. "It's just grape juice, It's just grape juice" was on repeat in my head. Then I had the bright idea of trying to get it off my mind by running an errand down to one of the nurse's stations. Not a good idea at all, kiddies..I didn't make it halfway down the hall, when one of the housekeeper's saw me and asked if I was ok. I think I said, "No, I am about to pass out, so I think I need to go home." What? Why would I say that I needed to go home? LOL. She immediately got the nurse and she almost had to catch me. She grabbed a chair and had me sit right in the middle of the busiest hall in the entire building. Everyone kept looking at me like I was dying, and I am sure that I was as white as a sheet. The nurse asked me what was wrong and I told her I saw blood. I had to embarrassingly admit what was really wrong with me and I could tell she was trying not to chuckle. So, I sat in my chair-o-shame until I felt some life return to my body again. It didn't take too long, because the LAST thing I wanted was every staff member gawking at me like I was one banana peel slip from the grave. I made it back to the office where I had noticed that I had bumped the ice water off of the desk and onto the floor on my way to "distract myself" and someone was already there picking up the ice cubes. Oh geesh, I had 8 more hours of this day left! Before I could even sit down again, I saw my boss carrying the baggy down to another office to ask someone else to take it! I profusely apologized and promised that next time to be safe, if he brown bagged any suspicious bodily fluids, that I would be more than happy to run them to the hospital. He smiled and said that he was glad that I was okay, and to not worry about what had happened (Wow-news travels fast!). Shewww...glad that is over, but there are still some aides that kid me about it. I just turn red and giggle, hoping they aren't really analyzing my craziness too much.
   So, I made it through the rest of this week that was filled with even more issues (non-work related) that aren't in the slightest funny or entertaining. In fact, they suck in the suckiest form of suck. But, I am getting through and I am coming out stronger and a bit wiser...and I need all the smarts that I can get!
   Here's hoping EVERYone has a better, brighter week! Thanks for reading :)